Weeping Buddha

Y'all have been wondering what happened to me... Life. We hit the ground running. We arrived back in CA about two and a half weeks ago. The kids did Bible School at my parent's church with their cousins, we swam daily and squeezed all the fun we could every second of the two weeks we had before school began.



I did finally get confirmation that I am teaching at DeAnza College - thankfully. And it looks like they intend to keep me. My term starts Sept. 21. I have some time but am madly trying to assemble a syllabus and select texts for my class. (I am teaching Western Civ. 1350 to 1750)



Tuesday was the big day for the girls and Wednesday was for Ramsey. School started. They are all enjoying their teachers and classes. They are all thankful to be at the schools they will remain in while we live in California (no more changes)! They were so excited and nervous that we had lots up upset tummies Monday night. But thankfully our home teacher came by and gave each of the children and me a blessing before the school year commences. It did help calm things significantly.



Labor Day weekend is coming. I will avoid posting too much but will say that I have been harassed, yelled at and inundated by the children's father. I wish that he would just be kind to them and leave me alone... But regardless, it will be over in three days.



I actually want to share something that speaks to me... this is an excerpt of how I phrased it in an email to a friend: the Weeping Buddha.



The legend of the Weeping Buddha is essentially a tale riddled with deep tragedy. As a warrior, Prince Siddhartha Gautama went off to fight battles and obtain glory - he thus spent years away from his family. Eventually, upon his journey home he encountered a young and confident warrior with whom he engaged in battle. Siddhartha was of course victorious and killed his enemy. Once the conflict was over, he saw this enemy's face for the first time. It was his son... Siddhartha laid down his armor and weapons and dropped to the ground weeping. He vowed to only embark on a peaceful existence - ergo a Prince becomes the Buddha.



The traditional stance of the Buddha is of course the lotus position, the Weeping Buddha is this, but with him crumpled up into his own lap, sobbing.

This story speaks to me - I know that at some juncture in this mortal life each one of us is put in this state... some tragedy, some loss that generates unspeakable pain. -Something that hits us so deeply, so profoundly that it is the catalyst for immeasurable change. We started as one person but emerge as another. For me, this was my divorce - for my sister it was when her first son died... In the end we are never who we were. And our lives mean more and our capacity is greater because of it.

And while on the surface this connotes tragedy, in truth it is beauty. It is the 'refiners fire' or the working 'atonement.' It is that which allows us to become the Buddha. The Peace Seeker, if you will. I know that I have joy in my life and peace in my heart. I am centered and happy - and have so much more compassion than before. I am at once more vulnerable and stronger. And this is because of the 'great tragedy' in my life - which looking back on, I am profoundly grateful for...

Actually, when I was in the Caribbean in July I happened into an import shop, where I descried a small, immaculately formed Weeping Buddha - I brought it home with me. (I attached a web image of a Weeping Buddha - I don't have a picture of the one I acquired.) Because in truth, the story means more to me now then it could possibly have meant before. It is sacred to me.

We Are Home

We are home! Of all the tender mercies this is the greatest to us. We arrived today.

We made sure to fill our last week in Logan with as much fun as we could. Rebekah was finishing off girl's camp and then joined us at the end. So we went to the American West Heritage Center, water parties and birthdays, met the Muggelston's at the Fun Center, went to the fair, saw the temple, visited with the Hunsakers, saw the SLC home show, went through photos with the Sorenson's and more! Rebekah even managed to do some babysitting jobs. It was just a week on the run filled with kind and dear friends.

(Am. West Hert. Center)

(Fun Center)

(Hunsakers and our hands at Ryan's Park)

(Visiting the Willie's and the Fair)

(Touching the Walls of the Temple)

As the 7 weeks in Utah is finally over I have to make some observations. I have had ample time to consider and ascertain where I am in this process. And I realize that my boundaries are more important than previously thought. I am endowed with the ability to maintain healthy perimeters and the sense to do so diplomatically - which has served me well considering the dynamics of my situation. I have also validated the presumption that the highroad is the better one to travel - even when the way is impeded. I laugh everyday and feel deeply centered within myself - truly joyful... I love my life and those in it and around us. I am in a good place and ever grateful for the manner in which I have been supported and loved in this process. In spite of the negative inundations dispensed by my children's father we will triumph - we will be fine. This doesn't mean we are without battle wounds - but those can be dressed and heal over time. Most critically we know we have one another and that we are the eternal family... Whole.

I had a wonderful experience, which was the highlight of the week: I met the Prophet. Here's what I wrote about it:

I had the most amazing experience at the Opera on Saturday night. I met the Prophet.

I had tickets to the 1776 - One of my friend's sons works at the Opera House and received a call that the Prophet was coming that evening - thus the security would be elevated. He told me right away as I had tickets. I didn't think twice of it because Michael Ballam, head of the Opera Company, (who was in my Logan ward) is friends with most of the general authorities -so they often come down at some point in the season to enjoy the Opera Festival.

So, I was present a bit early, down on the main floor of the Opera House. I was standing with a friend when the side theater door nearest to me opened. Two security men and some men from the sheriff's department entered followed succinctly by President Monson. He stood about ten feet away from me.

I can't explain it sufficiently, but when I turned and saw the Prophet it was like there was an enclosed light around him - though there wasn't a literal light. It was as if there was this sudden stillness. A peace. And I realized it was within me... it was as if everything inside of me suddenly went quiet and in that moment my soul was perfectly still. It was amazing. And the one thought that went through me was 'Here is the Prophet of God.'

In earnest I have to say that this happened in just a split second, but I will never forget it. I talked with Bob and Marsha about it on Sunday and she said that she's had that same experience... It is difficult to verbalize but it will always stay with me.

Anyway, I stood immediately, of course, and observed as the gentleman whom accompanied the Prophet introduced him to a couple sitting right behind me. President Monson began to move into the row and as he stepped in, looked up at me and my friend, nodded, then started to say something. I held out my hand and he shook it and then graciously complimented us. I expressed my gratitude at being there with him and he made another comment, then moved down about five more seats and sat with his wife.

There wasn't an announcement nor any introduction. Only a handful of us who had been seated by this side door knew he was present. Once the lights dimmed, Michael Ballam came to the house microphone and began to speak. He thanked all those in attendance on behalf of himself and the Opera Company, said a few words about the season so far then switched gears. He said that there was a special person in the audience who at this time he wanted to recognize. That this was a man who was a dear friend to him and his family. Michael said "I want to testify" that at times this person and his family had offered prayers on behalf of Michael's own family - and that through their prayers they had seen miracles (Michael's youngest son - Ben has Spina Bifida). Michael went on to share that this person was the Living Prophet of God on earth at this time, the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and on behalf of his own family and the Opera Company he wanted to welcome President Monson and his wife.

The entire theater erupted with applause. President Monson didn't stand but raised one arm in a salute like wave. The applause continued to which the Prophet responded by standing for just a moment then took his seat. Then the opera began.

I have to affirm that this was a treasured experience and moved me deeply. I will always cherish this small opportunity, this tender mercy if you will, that Heavenly Father allowed me. -Because even though it was just a moment, it was one that places me eternally, an experience in my mind's eye that while small, is tremendous in its significance...